Whose bird is it anyway? Shooting dilemmas and quandries

Series Two of the GunsOnPegs Podcast has just drawn to a close, and over the course of the series we have seen listener numbers grow and grow. But there are still plenty of you out there who have yet to hear an episode. For those who are yet to discover the joys of the pod, which aims to replicate the atmosphere of a chat in the pub (remember those?!) with a one of your shooting buddies, we thought it might be fun to share some of the contributions we've had to one of the most popular regular segments: Whose Bird is it Anyway? 

We asked our listeners to submit their shooting dilemmas, quandries and confessions, and boy did they deliver. There were some interesting themes, and we've grouped the submissions accordingly.

1. Whose bird is it anyway?

Among the many submissions, the titular question was a not-altogether surprising theme. In Episode 3 (The Celebrity Shot Episode), one listener sent us this puzzler:

Before lockdown I was invited to shoot with my fiancee’s family on their estate for the first time. As luck would have it, I was drawn next to my future father-in-law. Of course, I was on my best behaviour, minding my ps and qs, being especially selective about which birds I shot, and erring on the side of caution when birds flew between him and me, thinking that this would score me some brownie points. 

Unfortunately, my future father-in-law seemed to have different ideas. All day he was shooting - I would even say poaching - birds that were more-or-less straight over me, and even between me and the next gun. Now, I’m not averse to a little light-hearted poaching among friends, but he seemed totally oblivious to what he was doing.

Naturally I refrained from saying anything, but right at the end of the final drive I decided that enough was enough and that I needed to assert some dominance. A lone cock pheasant broke from cover and made a bee-line straight for the gentleman. Visible to the entire line and hangers-on, including my fiancee, her mother and brothers, every eye was on the pheasant. 

I waited for the perfect moment, just as my future-father-in-law was about to mount his gun, and shot the pheasant, the bird folding and dropping a few yards in front of him. If looks could kill, the one he gave me would have had a similar effect to a 36g 4.

Is the wedding off? Was I within my rights to have shot that pheasant, or should I have reined myself in?

Listen to Episode Three to find out what we would have done and if we thought the listener was in the right!

In a similar, but sublty different vein, we had this message from a trouble-making gun:

Earlier this season I was on a day where I knew the head keeper pretty well, but the rest were guns I only sort of know, not friends but acquaintances. Picture the last drive before the morning break. A few good high birds and then wallop, out comes a screamer, so high it had ice on it. It was the dreaded situation, straight down the middle of my neighbour and I. So we did the polite thing and both went for it, two shots, fired almost simultaneously. The pheasant folded and I knew I had missed, and my neighbour knew he had hit it.

Now, this is where I must tell you about my neighbour. He. Was. A. [censored]. They are few and far between in the gun line, but they are out there and he was one of them. Award winning.

Anyway, back at the vintage soviet gun bus we’re tucking into some rare breed sausages, with honey and whole grain mustard. accompanied with the obligatory sloe gin.

As you can imagine, the question was asked, “who hit the monster that came down in the next county?? Quick as a flash, I put my hand up.  I had every intention of then saying, not really, it was the gentleman to my right and how marvellous it was too. Exquisite piece of skill, poetry in motion, etc etc. Hahaha,aren’t I a card? We are all friends here.

However, my neighbour went from 0-100mph in a flash, full on toys out the pram, choking on his sausage, huffing and puffing and steam was issuing from his ears. Threats were made... 

So I thought: No. I am not going to backtrack. I am going to stand here and keep to my story, with a wry grin on my face...

The majority of the other guns knew I had missed anyway, but also relished the toddler-like spat. 

Do you think I should have owned up??

Listen to Episode 5 - The High Pheasant Episode to discover what we made of this tale.

2. To shoot or not to shoot, that is the question

Anyone who has been shooting for a few years will know that sooner or later, the enjoyment of a day out in the field will come into conflict with other life committments, be that family, work, or, as in this case, both.

I have been helping on my local syndicate for the last 2 years and I have been beating there since I was 15 and. I’m now 23 and have been a full gun for the last 3 years. On the shoot there are three of us that have been doing most of the work as we don’t have a full-time keeper. We have been grafting hard and we were all proud of how things turned out, despite all of the challenges this season. After some great days, the three of us were rewarded with some duck flights on the two ponds we have on the shoot. 

On the weekend that I got the call to go on the flight I was on a two hour drive to my other half’s house so couldn’t go. I was gutted, but then an hour later I was asked if I could get off work on Monday to go on a morning flight on some geese and then hang around the duck ponds till it went quiet at lunch. Without thinking, I said yes, but now had to figure out how to get out of work.

Now, I am lucky enough to work with my Dad, but as he was city born and bred and doesn’t shoot, I knew he wouldn’t understand why I wanted the morning off. So I came up with a cunning plan. I had a meeting with a customer in the afternoon, so I would say I would be out in the morning as well to meet a supplier in the same area, killing two birds with one stone, if you will pardon the pun. On the phone to my Dad this bending of the truth was accepted as a good plan! The game was afoot!

So the next day came and the plan went off without a hitch, with me rushing out in the morning having a great morning in the hide, then having a quick wardrobe change before going to see the customer. Monday night came round and I was in the clear, feeling good after a productive day......or so I thought. 

I learned I had made the rookie mistake of being seen in the background of a friend’s instagram story. Now my dad - being a million years old - doesn’t have Instagram, so no drama there. ...But my younger brother does. He sent me a screenshot of myself in the background of this story with the caption “How was the supplier?” I now knew he had a cunning plan of his own.

I am now being threatened with exposure unless I let my brother shoot the next day I am on. Do I let my brother shoot the next day? Or do I own up to my Dad/Boss and take the hit but feel good knowing that my brother will not have won and not be enjoying my next day?

What would your advice have been to this keen young gun? Find out how what advice top pigeon shot Tom Payne had for our listener:

Another listener wasn't quite so fortunate, in that he was caught red handed enjoying a day's shooting when he should have been enduring a less enjoyable day out: 

Just before lockdown I was invited to go shooting by a good friend of mine whom I haven’t seen in probably about two years. 

Unfortunately the day of the shoot happened to be my girlfriend’s Mum‘s birthday. We had been invited to go out to the pub for a nice lunch - of course all paid for by me and my girlfriend as she is their only daughter and it was our birthday treat to her Mum. 

Now me and my girlfriend don’t live together, we live a good 20 minute drive away from each other, so the night before I phoned her and I told her that I wasn’t feeling well,  “With covid knocking about,” I said, “maybe I should stay home tomorrow just to be on the safe side”

So the next day I pack up my shooting gear and head off. In all honesty it was a cracking day, probably the best I had in a while. Afterwards, we headed to a local pub for a drink. However, unbeknownst to me, my girlfriend had changed the venue at the last minute because of my absence, and sadly for me that venue happens to be the same pub I walked into with my shooting buddies.. safe to say I’m now a single man. 

What do you think - was I right to take the shooting or was a I a bit of an arse? I think I know the answer but I’m curious to get your take

3. Practical jokers

A shoot day is all about having a laugh with your mates, with plenty of ribbing, and perhaps the odd prank thrown in - a black power cartridge slipped into the pocket, perhaps, or, as in this case from episode ten, something a bit more elaborate.

Our roving syndicate made up of old university pals and other reprobates had invited “Haystack” to join us on a day at a new shoot in Kent. At this point it is relevant to explain that Haystack is not a tall gentleman, but certainly is, shall we say, a gentleman of stature. 

Back to our small shoot day, 70-80 birds for just 6 guns, perfect. On drawing pegs it had not gone unnoticed that Haystack had drawn a plum peg for the first drive, standing right in the middle of the line at No 3. 

The line was a large arc across a flatish field enabling each gun to observe the incoming birds and the performance of the team. Guns 1 and 2 took their pegs and then we got to peg 3, at which point the host firmly asked Haystack to take his place, who hesitated, before deciding it would not be appropriate to question the instructions. The remaining guns chuckled to themselves, but only on reaching their own pegs did the situation reveal its full comedy value.

For some reason peg 3 had been placed in a narrow, sharp sided and deep pit in this otherwise pristine field. Haystack had no view of the flushing area, nor his fellow guns and the massive disadvantage of a sheer sided 6ft wall of earth in front and on each side of him meaning that he would only see birds only when immediately above him: challenging conditions for the sharpest of guns!

Sure enough when the drive began, peg 3 was the premium position, bird after bird took to the sky and made a beeline for Haystack. The line watched as bang after bang chased after the pheasants and all that could be seen of our guest was the very tip of his barrels darting around the top of his pit, desperately chasing after birds he had little chance of connecting with. It was a sight to enjo. The longer the drive, the more frenzied the movement of the barrels, always too late to connect.  

Why the shoot had placed peg 3 underground was never questioned, the whole line had enjoyed the result and when Haystack emerged, a heavy bead on the brow, he was congratulated for a fine performance. To his credit he did not complain and chose to take it all in his stride and it made for the beginning of a great day.

Sometimes the best jokes aren't planned, but require quick thinking and a readiness to improvise, as in this tale from the grouse moors:

The Situation: A grouse moor in the Highlands Scotland, late September. Pre-shoot briefing: 
Safety first. Remember your butt sticks. No shooting in front after the first horn. No Black Game. 
 
Second drive, I'm in Butt 3. A pal who’s always up for a laugh in Butt 2, and a Joker in Butt 1.
Tremendous drive. Lots of challenging birds. Drive finishes. Beaters come through. At Butt 1 a beater deposits a Grey Hen explaining that his dog had pegged it on the way in.
 
Quick as flash Butt 1 grabs the bird and proceeds to Butt 2, telling Butt 2 that the Grey Hen had been picked behind Butt 2, and so the fun begins.
 
At Elevenses all the guns are ribbing Butt 2 about his misdemeanor. Butt 2 is still unsure whether he really shot the grey hen, but decides to apologise to his host and says he’s prepared to pay the £500 fine which had been invented at elevenses.
 
When do we own up?

And then, there's the ones that defy categorisation. From the question "Whose Dog is it Anyway?" (Episode 9) to "Should I tell my other half how much it costs?" (Episode 8) we've answered a wide range of shooting queries. You can listen to the whole of Series Two on the playlist below, or you can find us on all the major podcasting platforms including Spotify, Apple Podcasts and Google Podcasts by searching for "The GunsOnPegs Podcast"
 

We are currently making plans for Series Three of the podcast, and we've already had a couple of submissions from listeners for Whose Bird is it Anyway. If you think you have a suitable story drop us an email to pod@gunsonpegs.com - anonymity guaranteed, and if we use your story we'll send you some exclusive GunsOnPegs Podcast Shooting Sock Garters!